Let's celebrate the fact that you're a woman. Here are just a few of the reasons you should be glad that you belong to the female species!
- We got off the Titanic first.
- We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
- We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
- Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
- We never ejaculate prematurely.
- We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
- We can cry and get off speeding fines.
- We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
- Taxis stop for us.
- We live longer, so we can be cantankerous old biddies wearing inappropriate clothes and shouting at strangers......
- Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
- We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
- Free drinks, free dinners.
- We absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of our sexuality.
- We can hug our friends without wondering if they're gay.
- We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
- New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
- If we're not making enough money we can blame the glass ceiling.
- We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
- If we forget to shave, no one has to know. .
- If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
- We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
- If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
- We have the ability to dress ourselves.
- We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
- There are times when chocolate or Ice-cream really can solve all our problems.
- We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
- We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
- We'll never regret piercing our ears.
- Age 3: Looks at herself and sees a queen!
- Age 8: Looks at herself and sees herself as Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty.
- Age 15: Looks at herself and sees herself as Fat/Pimples/UGLY (Mom, I can't go to school looking like this!)
- Age 20: Looks at herself and sees too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly-- but decides she's going anyway.
- Age 30: Looks at herself and sees too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly -- but decides she doesn't have time to fix it so she's going anyway.
- Age 40: Looks at herself and sees too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly -- but says, At least I am clean, and goes anyway.
- Age 50: Looks at herself and sees I am and goes wherever she wants to go.
- Age 60: Looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can't even see themselves in the mirror anymore. She goes out and conquers the world.
- Age 70: Looks at herself and sees wisdom, laughter and ability, goes out and enjoys life.
- Age 80: Doesn't bother to look. Just puts on a purple hat and goes out to have fun with the world.
- Maybe we should all grab that purple hat earlier!
- Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to.
- The realization that she is actually going to have an old age and some money set aside to fund it.
- A skin care regime, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don't get better after age 30.
- Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.
- One friend who always makes her laugh and one who lets her cry.
- Something perfect to wear if the man of her dreams wants to see her in an hour.
- A purse and a suitcase that she's not ashamed to be seen carrying.
- A youth she's content to move beyond.
- A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age.
- A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family.
- A resume that is not even the slightest bit padded.
- A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.
- A feeling of control over her destiny.
- A set of screwdrivers, a drill and a black lace bra.
And finally, here are some great quotes by success, funny and wonderful women with attitude and a zest for life.
- 'In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.' - Margaret Thatcher
- 'I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.'- Gloria Steinem
- 'Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.' - Gloria Steinem
- 'You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.'- Erica Jong
- 'I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours!' - Rita Rudner
- 'Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.'- Erma Bombeck
- If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.' - Sue Grafton
- 'I think, therefore I'm single.'- Lizz Winstead
- 'When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.'- Elayne Boosler
- 'Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.'- Maryon Pearson
- 'Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.'- Eleanor Roosevelt
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